Thu 14 May, 2009
Ah, the glory of instant chat programs. Here is a wonderful speciman of what can take place in thirty minutes between two best friends, bored and at work:
8:34 AM
Me: I’m hungry already.
Amy: I ate kinda a lot for breakfast. I had bought some breakfast breads from Kowalski’s last night and since we didn’t eat any last night, I had some for breakfast today. They were sooo yummy
Me: Sometimes when I’m hungry I go to www.thisiswhyyourefat.com. It works.
Amy: But I predict I’ll be hungry in about an hour.
8:35 AM
Me: I want something salty.
8:36 AM
Amy: Can you get some vending machine pretzels?
Me: I can get pretzels upstairs in staff dining. They’re not very good though.
Amy: Just lick the salt off. J
Me: Well, then I could just go up and grab a salt shaker.
8:37 AM
Me: They do have saltines and peanut butter!
Amy: That sounds good! I’ve been eating Wheat Thins with peanut butter. I don’t even like Wheat Thins, but it’s all I have.
8:38 AM
Me: That’s a weird combo.
8:40 AM
Amy: Agreed. I don’t even like it. I just feel it’s better than eating straight peanut butter, which I also do. Jody brought the Wheat Thins over one night and we didn’t eat them. Then she wouldn’t take them home because she doesn’t like them. So I brought them here to work, but I don’t like them either.
8:42 AM
Me: Poor Wheat Thins. Why did she buy them if she doesn’t like them? Ha ha! That’s funny! I LIKE THEM!
8:43 AM
Amy: I don’t know why! She’s weird. Maybe she thought we liked them. I just think they’re a weird texture. I’ll eat them, but I don’t enjoy it. Which I have GOT to stop doing!!
8:44 AM
Me: I think they’re good. I like Triscuits more, though. I really like Triscuits. Triscuits and string cheese.
Amy: I love Triscuits! Especially those new flavored ones? The garlic rosemary ones are awesome.
8:45 AM
Me: Rosemary is too perfumey for me. But I love Triscuits. They’re hilarious. They’re like salty wood.
Amy: Hahaha. They’re better than that!
8:46 AM
Me: Oh, I know. But when you think about it, the texture is pretty funny.
Me: I want a croissant.
Amy: They remind me of Shredded Wheat cereal.
Me: I hate Shredded Wheat.
8:47 AM
Amy: I’m wrong about the flavors I think. It’s roasted garlic OR rosemary olive oil, I think. I like them both. I haven’t had Shredded Wheat since I was like 5 and I hated it then.
Me: Shredded Wheat tastes like cardboard. I wonder why Shredded Wheat is so bad and Triscuits are so good. But what a stupid name - Shredded Wheat. Way to make something sound good there, genius.
8:48 AM
Amy: Reminds me of Grape Nuts; which are neither grapes nor nuts. Dicsuss.
8:49 AM
Me: Oh, I know. They’re like what - the nuts that come from grapes, or what? They’re edible straight out of the box in times of desperation but in no way whatsoever should you add milk or you will have a disaster on your hands.
8:50 AM
Amy: They blow up to like ten times their size. But when I eat them when they’re not soggy it makes my brain jiggle.
Me: But they actually taste like “grape” and “nut.” BTW that’s not your brain - that’s the raw Grape Nuts.
8:51 AM
Amy: All I can think of now is grape testicles.
8:52 AM
Me: Ew. Grapey testicles. Why are Triscuits called Triscuits? Are they just a little bit more somehow than biscuits, that they took the bi and made it tri?
8:53 AM
Amy: Eeew, shrivelly grape nuts. I don’t know. I guess it’s a play on biscuits, but I don’t know where the tr comes from.
Me: Grape Nuts + milk = a pile of barf.
9:02 AM
Amy: Kinda does look like pet barf. Which reminds me, Fozzie got the shits from the Iams. I hate that we bought that.
9:03 AM
Me: That sucks. I’ve never used Iams. I knew someone’s brother once who fed his cats Iams and he said it made them farty.
9:04 AM
Amy: well, I hate Iams. They test on animals. But it was the only puppy food I saw and it’s what the vet gave us for free, so I figured we’d try it. But the guy at the checkout even said, “You’re weaning him off this, right?” But of course said that AFTER we’d paid. So we’ll go back tonight and get some better stuff.
Me: I forgot about the testing. Fuckers.
Me: Farty McSmells is a good nickname.
Amy says:
Man, are we ADD or what?